Doing and undoing

End of September

I am aware that I do not know today's date as my day-minder begins to have less meaning. I am also aware, that most of my writing has been in my journal where I luxuriate in run-on sentences and misspelled words and empty space to write as large or as small as I want. There I can doodle and say nothing at all that has any lasting value beyond the moment of self -indulgence. But here at this juncture it feels important to write.

Today I went to the Cornville post office where there is never a line and where people call each other by their first name. Country folk talk to each other about family and their knees and who they ran into today as they keep abreast of how everyone is doing. Outside a portly cowboy talks of his children to friend down the road. “Yep, she is going to tie the knot, two down and one to go." This “knot” gets tied interlocking community and family, and everyone seems to feel a little safer when their kids look like they are settling down.

And here I am untying the knots, undoing what has held me to forms and roles and responsibilities. I have wrestled with many knots. Some have been picked apart by my finger nails. Others have had to be soaked to loosen the grip. All these knots have served me holding it altogether. Now I want nothing more than to loosen their hold and travel without a tether.

It does not serve me to answer the question, "Well, what are you going to do?" It is not about a plan of action. It is about trying on new clothes from the wardrobe of life and seeing how they feel. My heart desires this freedom to breathe more deeply into each nuance. If I do not, surely I will suffocate. So better to ask what is next.

So, here what I can tell you is that on the 6^th of October I leave Grace Grove Retreat and head for the north rim of the Grand Canyon. Why not? It is here and I have never been. Victor, a dear friend and great travel buddy, is from driving out from upstate NY to meet me and Jane and Lee for a little adventure before I head back to Santa Fe at the end of October. From there I begin my journey to the east coast.

Stay with me as the sojourn to nowhere (Now Here) continues.